weird, random, stupid things maybe you don't want to know or I shouldn't tell you

It's weird being a cartoon character. It's also pretty cool too. Naming myself was the weirdest part. Having your husband ask is weird too. I keep thinking that I should have put together cooler names to choose from. (Marie is my middle name; Campana is a family name, and the last name of my cousin who was in 4 of the 5 Planet of the Apes movies, and her sister was the model on the 60s version of the Nancy Drew books)

Every once in awhile, I think of changing my name to match the rest of my family. Then I realize that I really like my name, and I get my stubborn pants on. Part of me wants to blend in, and part of me fights that urge tooth and nail. I spent so much of high school wanting to be cool (in the Molly Ringwald Pretty in Pink way), trying not to care that I was pretty far from the mark. Then I went off to college and ended up being kind of cool after all. Being part of the beginning of the edgy alt-news weekly was also incredibly cool and DIY and also gave me a purpose and focus I didn't have before. Part of me misses it fiercely, and then I remember how burnt out I was working basically 2 full time jobs by the time I had Owen. I missed a deadline when I went into labor and that was it.

So it's funny running around on Yelp, seeing 1st reviews for places I wrote up years ago. Part of it is nice & reassuring that those shops are still around, and people are getting that jolt of excitement. And it's a high, a rush, discovering someplace special. Another part of me is jealous and missing my old silly self that used to go around exploring neighborhoods for days--that I don't have the time and energy to really do that anymore. That all the cool points I had pre-momhood have been used up, which gets me down, and now I'm trying to put some of the pieces back but they're fitting in a weird way. Not in a pity party/boo-hoo/woe-is-me kind of way, but just that I get the feeling I'm doing something wrong or bad, and I don't know what it is. And no one wants to tell me, either. OR maybe everyone goes through it and you just have to work it through yourself.

Oops. I wasn't supposed to drop off emotional baggage. Too many nights of writing between 11pm and 2am. I was supposed to post pix of the FOs; talk about how crazy Hogwarts Sq was (and being called Tonks!); that I loved Order of the Phoenix; that I colored over most of the pink hair but left the pink shock in the front (and got complimented by girls on the subway and a hair stylist on it). Well, the hormonal post has been brewing for awhile. Sorry. When you all look at me funny next time I see you at least I'll know maybe why. Or maybe you'll tell me your story.